In professional settings, dialogues are not just about talking; they are an essential part of achieving your objectives. But how do you approach these conversations strategically? Here are some key pieces of advice for making your dialogues more effective, intentional, and results-driven.
1. Start with a Definition of Victory
Every dialogue you engage in is part of a larger project or workstream. To approach conversations strategically, start by defining a clear Definition of Victory(DoV) for each project phase. Ask yourself, “What needs to happen by when for this phase to be considered successful?”
Once you have a clear DoV for the workstream, it becomes easier to define a specific DoV for each dialogue. What do you need to accomplish in this particular discussion to move the project forward?
Tip: be realistic in defining success for each conversation. You control very little about how people think or react, so set attainable goals. In most companies, we have observed teams expecting too much from a single dialogue. This leads to over-preparation, unproductive meetings, and frustration when objectives aren’t met. Instead, aim for achievable outcomes, recognizing that progress may take multiple discussions.
When given the choice between a small, probable win and an unlikely big victory, always choose the small win. Every step forward builds goodwill and momentum.
Also, consider people’s well-being in your definition of success. Acknowledge that moods and external factors can influence dialogues. A conversation isn’t just about project outcomes—it’s also about the people involved.
2. Listen first, speak later
For someone to truly listen to your ideas, they first need to feel that they’ve been heard.A powerful habit is to allow others to speak first. Let them express their positions, questions, or emotions before you contribute.
By listening first, you “earn the right” to be heard and can better adapt your message to the context of the conversation.
3. Practice active listening
Active listening goes beyond just hearing words. Be fully present and show that you’re engaged. This can be done by:
- Taking notes, signalling that you are genuinely listening.
- Asking open, clarifying questions to better understand the team’s perspectives.
- Paraphrasing what you’ve heard to confirm understanding. When people hear you summarize their thoughts accurately, they feel validated.
- Highlighting the value in everyone’s contributions, even if not immediately obvious. There is often a “golden nugget” in each intervention—make sure to acknowledge it and share it with the team.
4. Speak only when it adds value
This is a tricky but effective principle: speak as little as possible. Only contribute when you can add genuine value to the discussion—whether it's offering a unique perspective, a solution, or a point no one else has raised. Practicing restraint helps keep the dialogue focused and efficient.
5. Connect ideas for proposals
When it’s time to propose a decision or action, tie your ideas to what you’ve already heard. There are two ways to do this:
- Integrate ideas: synthesize everyone’s contributions into a coherent whole that reflects the group’s collective thinking.
- Clarify trade-offs: if there’s tension between ideas, help the team understand the trade-offs involved, then clearly express your position and rationale.
This method builds consensus and shows that you’re considering all viewpoints, which strengthens your proposal’s chances of success.
6. Dig deeper into disagreements
Disagreements often arise when people only communicate their conclusions without discussing the reasoning behind them. We all make assumptions based on the information we have, and different assumptions can lead to conflicting conclusions.
A powerful technique is to help people “go down the ladder” of reasoning. By exploring what assumptions led to their conclusions, you can uncover where their thinking diverges. For example, after watching a movie, one person might focus on the director’s vision while another is more interested in the actors’ performances.If you stay on the surface of whether the movie was “good or bad,” the conversation may be frustrating. But if you dig into what each person appreciated, the dialogue becomes far more enriching.
Conclusion
Approaching dialogues strategically requires a mix of preparation, realistic goal-setting, and active listening. By defining clear, attainable goals, listening more than you speak, and connecting ideas thoughtfully, you can transform conversations into productive steps toward success. Remember that progress often comes in small, meaningful wins—each dialogue can bring you closer to your goals if approached with care and purpose.
